Retiring Leo

Horses and riders speak a weird silent language and it took me a while to hear what Leo was saying. Leo was sound, healthy and appeared to be happy so retirement simply wasn't in my consideration set. I think Dan was hearing Leo. I look back at some of his conversations and I can see he was preparing me for this as a potential reality.

When I finally heard what Leo was saying, there was only one decision. Leo's days of negotiating were over. Here's how it all played out...

• Following the Virginia Horse Trials, the vet did an evaluation. Leo was developing arthritis in his front pasterns/ankles but he was totally sound behind. For years I struggled with hock and stifle issues but in the Clasing program, Leo is sounder than he has ever been at any age. Must be all those hour long walk hacks that I dread in the summer with the bugs. 
• The vet said the ankle arthritis shouldn't be causing the unwillingness to jump, assuming he was confirmed at his current level of competition. There was some debate about whether or not Leo could be considered confirmed at Prelim given his ups and downs over the last 4 years.
• Bottom line, it didn't appear that the root cause of his refusals was something physical. We put him on a course of Adequan to help with the arthritis and he got his front ankles iced for 20 minutes following every jump school
• Post-virginia he had several good jump schools at home with no issues. We practiced forward riding, turning combinations that simulated xc. We practiced cavalletis and large oxers. I practiced some simple course work on my own. Everything seemed relatively positive and I entered Essex Horse Trials at Training.

Then...

• We went to Windurra for a XC school a couple of days before Essex
• We warmed up over some novice fences to start. That went well. 
• Dan gave us a course of gradually bigger fences. We jumped 3 training/prelim size tables then approached 2 decent-sized houses on a one stride angle. It was a solid prelim question but one we had jumped before. Leo wouldn't jump out over the second fence in the combination. We tried 3 times with no success. He would jump them separately but never together, where the physical effort was bigger
• Then Dan gave me another course to ride: table to a corner to a half coffin. Leo jumped the first fence but dirty stopped at the corner. I didn't want to reproach. The refusals had sucked the confidence right out of me and I didn't want to jump anymore.
• For some reason I wanted to end with the water because he had a refusal there at Virginia. Dan had me jump a novice sized fence to get him going again then jump a small log at the edge of the water. Leo was super sticky at the first fence - which was a nothing fence - and then refused to jump the tiny log into water. 
• It was over. Our eventing career together was over. 
• There is no triumphant end to our competition career together. We faded out. It was so decisive. Leo's communication was so strong. Dan stopped the xc school and we walked back to the trailer. By the time I jumped off, I couldn't control my tears. Yes, I was a grown woman crying in front of Dan. 

It was a super sad ride for me. Looking back at Virginia, on xc, Leo was jumping but his heart wasn't in it. He wasn't looking for his fences. He wasn't hungry for them. Normally he is anticipating the next fence, eyeing them up - trying to figure out which is "his." Normally he is fighting for control to get to (and over) the fence - though on his terms. Normally, he is quick off the ground and enthusiastic in his jump. But he was no longer that horse. His enthusiasm had been waning all spring. Now, he would no longer get me to the other side of the fence and there was nothing I could do to change his mind. It was a devastating realization. He was the same horse, but different.

Is this normal? Do horses just change as they age? 
Dan says yes, older horses go through changes both mental and physical. Sure, some horses will keep going into their 20s, others stop at 12. Dan told me about a horse of Philip Dutton's that retired at 12, not due to injury, but simply because he stopped performing. He told me about another horse that was winning everything at intermediate and 2*, then had an injury and time off. When the horse got back to competing, he was totally different. Unmanageable. Tantrums in dressage, which he used to win. He was eventually retired without ever returning to his former glory. Dan's first advanced horse, Yardley, started stopping at age 15. No real physical reason and Dan retired him to a lesson program. The stories go on and on.

Dan said to really listen to rider interviews at the end of the season. Riders with seasoned campaigners hedge about plans for the next year - not just because of the unpredictability of the sport but because as a horse ages, you never know how he will come into work each year or what horse he will be. Even Michael Jung said of his world champion, Sam, that he would let the horse tell him if he wanted to keep going. I never really understood that until now.

I thought I would be in control of when Leo would retire, but actually Leo forced that conversation and he led that conversation.

15 years old seems too young to retire. I convinced myself that I would be competing Leo until he was at least 18. I wasn't ready to give up all the visions I had in my head of competing more with him: achieving competency at Prelim, finally doing the 1-star, and moving up to Intermediate.

But I am letting go. I have no choice. It's a partnership after all. All those goals, I'll have to tuck them away and save them for the day when I have another competition partner.

It's incredibly disappointing but I am so very grateful
I was really distraught for a couple of days realizing that I needed to retire Leo. I see him 6 days a week. Training Leo, making progress with Leo, seeing Leo come running over to me in the field, practicing my work presentations to Leo on our long hacks - Leo is part of my life in a big way and I know that will change now. I know I want to continue eventing. I know I will get another horse. I know I will have less time for Leo. Leo is forcing my life to change - just when I was starting to think I was in control!

I've contemplated Leo a lot in the last week. I started this blog nearly 8 years ago when I bought Leo and he has competed continuously during those 8 years from beginner novice through to prelim. I've learned a ton about horses and horse management and riding thanks to him. That was to be expected. Leo unexpectedly brought many amazing people into my life.  I was a lucky girl to find him.

Here are some of his career facts:

• Leo competed in a total of 53 horse trials
• Beginner Novice: 4
• Novice: 9
• Training: 25
• Preliminary: 15 
• His competition record is far from clean! There was a lot of education happening for us!
• 43 clean xc jump rounds 
• 15 clean stadium jump rounds 
• 3 stadium eliminations - all at prelim
• 2 xc eliminations - one at training, one at prelim
• Leo competed in 8 states: South Carolina, North Carolina, Georgia, Maryland, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Pennsylvania, New Jersey
• His lowest dressage score was at prelim: a 35.7 (it felt like a miracle anytime we broke 40) 

Leo will stay in light work with me until I find another horse to ride. Then I'll figure out the next phase of his life. I'll do my best to enjoy our down time together - even though neither of us is very good at relaxing. Maybe we can learn how to do that together too now.

Leo running Prelim at Plantation in May 2018, the last event we completed.